I know that many people feel depressed at Xmas, for variated reasons... solitude, the pressure to feel happy when you're not in the mood, etc.
I had some bad Xmas before, (usually because I gained terrible gifts that were the opposite of what I wanted and I had to pretend I loved them... but this doesn't happen anymore), but this
one seems the worst. Because of my family.
My father - my stepdad, actually - hasn't been well for long ago - it's two years he has to make hemodyalisis, but we've quickly adaptated to this situation. Actually, it became a kind of relief for my mom and me, because, in the days he's not around, we don't have to make a big lunch (just a simple meal each one choses whatever she wants) and wash piles of dishes and pots. And my mom had more time to work in her computer, without Oscar hanging around her all the time and demanding her attention(you who are women and married must know how retired men behave...).
However, his health has became worse these last weeks, and he doesn't help in anything to get better. Actually, he seems to like making things difficult, especially for my mom. Nothing we cook is good, he frequently complains food is tasteless (even though when it's salty), or refuses to eat something we had trouble to cook - as he poses like a victim the whole time. He is behaving like a small, spoiled kid, insisting one something to give it up, and getting sour whenever he hears a no.
Just to give you one example, both my parents have had some inner ear issues ultimately - mom had her problem solved with a medicine, and that's all. However, Oscar (stepdad) refused to take this medicine. This monday, he woke up my mom whining that he felt like there was a can producing echoes into his head, so he wanted to get a cab to go the hospital right there! My mom took awhile to talk him out of this, that she would take him to hospital in the morning. He agreed relutanctly, but was angry with her. Next morning, he woke up too late, making mom to wait until he got up and ate his breakfast - just to tell her that he no longer wanted to see a doctor, and preferred to take the refused medicine! Today he's doing the same again, he has been whining so much that my mom asked me to go with him to the hospital as she prepares the Xmas pie. And he also refused to eat the pizza Mom took from supermarket for lunch, saying it was too greasy - and looked sour the whole lunch, I think that he wanted HER to go with him.
The same time I feel sorry for my mother - aind impotent, too - I'm starting to get tired of her constant complainings about Oscar, she has nobody else around to take all those things off her chest, so it's up to me to hear. She rarely speaks another subject now.
It was really a relief for me that our neighbours have hired me to take care of their house during this week and the next one as they're out for the holidays. Since I'm sleeping there since Monday, at least I have some peaceful, silent nights. I have downloaded the last seasons of Inuyasha and take them in my laptop to watch, and that's when I have some fun.
Another bad thing is that my brother will not be able to spend Xmas night with us - his girlfriend and in-laws practically are forcing him to spend the event with them, just like next year - they behave as if Leo had no family besides theirs! My parents, of course, are upset with that, so Leo insisted into making a barbecue for us in the morning after (though he'll be very tired). But, since I'm having this job, I can't go (and there's also our house and our cats to take care, too). So I'll spend Xmas day all by myself, taking care of both houses.
Sad as it sounds, it'll be a relief for me to spend the day by myself, without nobody whining around - save my kittens, occasionally.
Thanks for whoever read this, answering or not. I just had to take it off my chest.
Listening to: Birds chirping outside
Reading: Selections of Readers Digest
Watching: Inuyasha and GTO